i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
