my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
