Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
