I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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