We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
