you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
