Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
