You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
