I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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