My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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