i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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