Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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