You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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