I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
