I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
