We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
