the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just found puke in my bra..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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