On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
