That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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