im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
