Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
