So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Randomize
