I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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