i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
