I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My Sexting was not on an AP level
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
