i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize