Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
