Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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