I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
