i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
