Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize