Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
