Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think your dad took our porno
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
