I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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