Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
