I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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