My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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