Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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