So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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