I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Randomize
