i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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