WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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