my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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