This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
