i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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