I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
