paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
