Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
