I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize