It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The adults are the big ones right?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
