I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
