Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
