So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
