Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well I just put wine in my tea
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
