i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I am naked and annoyed.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
