Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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