So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
