I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
