So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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