I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
