We're facebook friends in real life
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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