All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
