that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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