I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
