my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
