so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
