But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
