if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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