Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
