Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
