Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
