I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize